Dear Diary,

I finally have some thoughts that I'll like to pen down. Thoughts about life, about myself and my home country.

People have been using YOLO (You only live once) pretty often on things such as indulging on a sinful high calorie meal, traveling to amazing places where we can only dream of and partying. Yes, it's true that you only live once and that goes to show that every life is precious and time and tide wait for no man.

I had been a victim of bullying when I'm young and I know what you're thinking, but no, I'm not asking for your sympathy, empathy or pity. To be honest, I did hate them (note: I do know hate is a strong word but hey, it's in past tense which means I'm over it) but I realised that it bothered and affected me by more than just a little as days go by. To them, I may be just another victim who they don't even remember even years later while I still can remember vividly up to today. But what's the point of hating?

Won't the world be a better place if people were a little more humane and magnanimous? Forgive and forget, that's what people say. But you know what? It's true. Forgive the wrong on what people have done upon you because they have misjudged you or they're just plain immature or they are just humans who erred. Forget the wrong on what people have done upon you because it'll free yourself mentally when you blame yourself for all this even though the fault isn't caused by you. Words and actions can't be take back and you might still remember years later but if you forgive and forget, you'll be a much happier person because all that unhappiness thought wouldn't be repeating in your mind each day.

We all are human, we erred at times, we aren't all ice blocks which can't be melted. We have emotions, feelings and the good side that we may choose to show or bury deep in our inner self. I'm not trying to put up a fake front that I'm all magnanimous and all, I'm just writing all these down to remind myself that if ever someone's actions did affect me negatively, I want to forgive and forget because there so much in life to do than to feel upset over someone who isn't worth the time.

The whole experience of studying overseas have changed me quite a bit. Some may say, I'm only twenty, I haven't seen the world and I'm just too immature to make such a statement. But they aren't me, who can be a better judge of myself than me?

I have never ever imagined maintaining a proper life alone was so tough. There's just so much to do, from cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, tidying my room, cleaning up, vacuuming the carpet, skype-ing my mom to remembering important dates despite the time lag etc. The list just doesn't seem to end. But I guess I sort of learn how to manage be independent and multi-task to fully utilise time better.

Initially, during the application to study overseas, I did hesitate because I'm afraid of being away from home, my family and important people around me. And when I got here, I was apprehensive and pessimistic about everything. But I'm glad that things turn out alright and I'm happy with what I have and what I'm doing. My perspective on what makes me happy changed quite a little because even a sunny day where the white fluffy clouds contrast itself against the clear blue sky can make me smile to myself. It's true that some times some of the best things in life can't be bought with money as splurging and eating etc are only temporary factors to make you happy.

I also started going out on my own to give myself some alone time which may sound damn stupid and loner but in fact, it's one of the best therapy and break anyone can give themselves. In every day life, we are so packed with things that we ought to do and we often have to face people like almost 80% of the time that we are out of the house. We often forget that we should learn to love or should I say pamper ourselves by doing things that we enjoy alone where we don't have to rush or accommodate others request?

And I do enjoy going out with others but it's just really nice to give yourself a breather and make yourself happy once in a while. For instance, during my solo trip to London, I stayed at a friend's place and I met different groups of friends each day while giving myself some alone time in between that I felt that it was such a well balanced trip where I enjoyed the entire trip so much.

Being in overseas, I saw the good that I was being brought up in and I'm truly thankful to be born and brought up in Singapore. It has a wonderful diversity of culture in terms of people and food, healthcare is made affordable and accessible, government tax is not over the top that affects us in our daily lives, crime rates are really low that even going out in the wee hours is relatively safe and the list can go on. Probably I should do a blog post on the beauty of Singapore some day!

Sometimes, we shouldn't just focus on the bad that's directly affecting us and take for granted of the good that was blessed upon us.

With love,
Shihui

Labels: Life, Thoughts